Travel Tracks by Dave Heron

(Grassroots Page 8)

Never A Dull Moment

A few years back while half heartedly watching a not so great musical on the idiot box with the sound turned down, an ad came on that offered a 12 step program of potential benefit to anyone whose life had become unmanageable.
Of course I've since had the volume control repaired on the remote because what I thought I'd heard was "if your wife has become unmanageable - this program's for you", and immediately signed up.
Ironically, after I stood up and told MY tale, most of the members in attendance having discovered someone whose day to day was a train wreck worse than anything THEY'D experienced, broke down and wept.
After 10 years of wishing and 18 months of planning, my charming bride and I along with a dozen or so tag alongs are headed out on an African Safari.
5 days before departure, the situation in Egypt erupted somewhat which forced us to change the game plan for 4 of our gang who had booked a Nile cruise immediately following the safari.
No big deal - a few 20 hour days later the itinerary was somewhat modified and the additional week is now being spent elsewhere.
4 days before departure, my lovely bride for reasons known only to a higher power, decided to test the laws of gravity when traversing an icy surface which resulted in the immediate separating of certain bones in the ankle area.
To be clear, this sort of thing is nothing new for Calamity Jane.
Early during our courtship, she settled into a soothing tub filled with steaming water and bathing salts, and with the area bathed in candle light, managed to set fire to the bathroom.
The loss of towels and my favorite dressing gown were insignificant compared to the water damage sustained during her attempts to put the damn thing out with the contents of the tub.
I let it slide.
Two weeks later she called to tell me she'd be a bit late as she was waiting for the fire department to extinguish a minor flare up on her vehicle.
Interesting.
Despite this we continued down the path and a month or so later while enjoying breakfast in a mountainside chalet, the newspaper I was reading went up in flames thanks to a candle lit moments earlier.
I was starting to get a bit concerned.
While the fire phase seemed to end, other disasters would occur on a regular basis.
Like the time she borrowed my car and loaded 4 cases of fresh tomatoes in the trunk.
If you've never seen what happens to tomatoes after 7 hours locked in a trunk in 40 degree Celsius temperatures, consider yourself fortunate.
A few weeks later this charming girl decided to make amends by cleaning out my freezer.
And clean it out she did.
I will never again keep close to $1000 in foreign currency in a freezer bag tucked under 200lbs of prime Alberta beef.
I won't even begin to describe the feeling of being told her dog ate the interior of my brand new vehicle.
Life with this girl is many things - boring it's not.
And so when I got the call from her asking in a rather matter of fact monotone, "if you've got a moment let's take a quick drive over to the emergency room", it just didn't faze me.
"Broken" decreed the fellow whose folks had spent hundreds of thousands getting him his degree.
“What about our trip?" I asked the good doctor.
"As long as she's able to prop her feet up on the flight there should be no problem" exclaimed this fellow who I'm sure was a fine physician but probably hadn't seen the inside of a commercial aircraft in years.
In the time it took me to glance through our cancellation insurance policy to see if her name had become exclusion number 46 on the policy, CJ had managed to contact the airline and in exchange for a sum of points that if cashed in could probably feed a small nation for 7 months, upgraded to lie flat business class.
"He told me I had to keep my feet up" was the rationale.
I suppose I should look on the bright side.
The cast will be on for 6 weeks.
That pretty much negates any shoe shopping at Harrods on the way over.
That saving alone makes up for the cost of the upgrade.
But I do feel badly for her.
And as such I've a special device made up that will take a lot of the weight off the effected ankle.
That way she can still manage to haul my luggage around without risking another fall.

Adios until next time
Dave Heron

Dave Heron is the owner and operator of: Pace Setter Travel & Tours (1995) Inc; P.O. Box 612, 49 Elizabeth Street, Okotoks.
Tel: 403.938.5454
Toll Free: 1.800.206.7223.
Fax: 403.938.5568
Email:
pacesetter@nucleus.com