“Will you still need me,
Will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four"
Lennon/McCartney were visionaries.
Arguably, some of these visions were a tad hazy as a result of the odd pharmaceutical mixed in with the afternoon tea.
Nonetheless, despite some historians suggesting When I'm Sixty-Four being about growing old together, it actually came about on a flight from London to New York as the Beatles were headed to appear on the Ed Sullivan show.
Paul McCartney in noticing that food portions even in 1st class were a tad leaner than they had been on earlier flights, visualized a day in the not too distant future when meals would disappear altogether and jotted down the words, "will you still feed me" on the back of a pawn ticket, and the rest as they say is history.
Frivolity notwithstanding, the fact is we become a bit less tolerant of shortcomings as we get older than we managed in our younger years.
Others' shortcomings that is.
Twenty years ago when the telemarketer called at 8pm to tell me I'd won a free trip, I'd listen to the pitch for a couple of minutes, say no thanks and hang up.
Ten years ago when call display came on the scene, I'd pick up the phone, utter a few obscenities in Aramaic and hang up.
Now in my 60's, I politely answer the phone, ask the caller if they need my credit card to cover the service charges, put the phone down and head upstairs to bed for the night.
A few years ago, some masochist introduced the self-serve kiosks at airports around the globe.
In theory, not a bad idea.
Walk up to an obscure mechanical device, key in a series of predetermined numbers and voila, a boarding pass popped out like a Pez dispenser.
It saved having to deal with surly ticket agents.
Until the damn thing broke down which statistically was more regular than an all bran diet.
Now you had to deal with 3 surly agents - one to figure out what was wrong, another to call maintenance and the 3rd to complete the task of checking you in at the counter.
The older I get the less tolerant I am of replacing a wheel with a triangle all in the name of cost cutting.
Boarding by row number's another one of these "what were you thinking" moves about as palatable as sitting next to someone who grinds their dentures for amusement.
Again - in theory, not a bad plan to expedite the boarding process.
"Passengers seated in rows 15 through 26 are now invited to board".
Followed by, "as well as those passengers who are members of our frequent flyer program, Costco members, residents of Alberta who've voted in 1 of the 3 previous Federal elections, 1st class and Business Class passengers".
That generally leaves me and 4 others standing around the hold room feeling like losers in the last round of musical chairs.
I suppose it's a good thing they don't hand out magazines on the flight anymore.
Looking at the 10 year old in 21C using Newsweek as a coloring book while I was relegated to scouring the pages of Teen World was starting to really irritate me - even when I was a youngster at 60, but now.................
Bring back real food on flights and I don't give a damn how much you charge me - I'll pay it.
Having to choose between day old chicken wraps and cardboard pizza at eight bucks a throw, I'd prefer to bring my own.
And if it weren't for having to endure Security opening the lunch bag, and in a stage whisper amongst 240 other passengers ask, "what in hell is *that*", I probably would.
Give me 20 minutes in a closed room with the moron committee that introduced seatback in-flight entertainment.
For openers, once you get past 60, seeing anything meaningful on the 5 inch screen's about as easy as reading the 3 digit security code on the back of a well used credit card in a dark room.
Assuming you can actually get the thing to work in the first place.
Oh - and the concept of charging for a 92 minute movie on a 90 minute flight?
May you and the clown that introduced the self serve kiosk wind up with 2 seats together by the fireplace in the afterlife.
I know now why we medicate more intensely as we age.
Has nothing to do with physical ailments.
Has everything to do with keeping our blood pressure down when enduring anything even remotely connected to airports.
I think I'll go back to listening to some old Beatles music.
In 1965, the legendary Lennon/McCartney team came up with another 'vision of the future' song that found its way on to the Rubber Soul album.
Track 1 - Drive My Car.
At least my luggage has a shot at getting there at the same time I do.
Adios until next time
Dave Heron
Dave Heron is the owner and operator of: Pace Setter Travel & Tours (1995) Inc;
P.O. Box 612, 49 Elizabeth Street, Okotoks.
Tel: 403.938.5454
Toll Free: 1.800.206.7223.
Fax: 403.938.5568
Email: pacesetter@nucleus.com
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