Every now and then well intentioned acquaintances will, after reading one of my articles, forward on a piece by some US based professional journalist, with the sage advice, "why don't *you* do an article on this topic?”
Other than the fact someone has apparently just done one, it's a little like sending a McCartney composition to some guy in a garage band and suggesting, "you could write a song like that eh?"
I generally shrug it off and jack the price of the sender's next ticket up by 20% to cover a new round of anti-depressant meds.
One however came across my desk a day or so ago and I couldn't help but think the author was way off base.
It had to do with the 4 main reasons airlines continue to lose luggage.
Without recreating the entire tale, his entire opinion focused on:
- label gets damaged
- passenger forgets to pick it up
- attendant types in the wrong code
- bag's loaded on to the wrong plane
At the root of all evil is a computer, and no matter how a human being attempts to rectify the four aforementioned causes, somewhere along the line a message flashes on a baggage screen buried deep in the Catskills that says, "you have performed an illegal operation and will be shut down".
At that point, regardless of the label affixed to your luggage, it will wind up somewhere in Bentonville Arkansas where 6 weeks later WalMart will host a 90% off Samsonite Sale.
Passengers forgetting to pick up luggage used to happen a lot more in the old days when copious amounts of liquor flowed freely back in steerage.
I recall a flight into Heathrow back in the mid 70's where a 12 course meal was served in economy class that consisted of a burger and 11 double scotches.
Getting off the flight, I quickly grabbed my luggage, checked into the hotel and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes in a stupor trying to remember where I put the key to the padlock when suddenly the epiphany moment struck.
*My* luggage didn't have a padlock on it.
Arriving at the conclusion that there were 2 people on the planet that shared an identical taste in completely tasteless luggage design, I headed back to the airport only to bear witness to a scrum going on at the baggage counter.
It was the fellow who had my luggage - he was a tad angry - and as luck would have it - he was about 6'6" and well into the 275 lb range.
I went over, introduced myself as a representative for lost luggage volunteers, showed him the bag I'd found and waited until he was in full stride heading out the door before I grabbed the offending piece and ran like hell in the opposite direction.
Of course with airlines charging eight bucks a shot these days, that root cause has pretty much taken care of itself.
Attendants typing in the wrong code certainly play a factor however once again, look to the computer as a root cause.
Let's say you're heading out on your bucket list trip of a lifetime to Xining China to sample the remedial effects of Danbai Chongcao Ji which for those of you less traveled, is a concoction made up of Chinese caterpillar fungus and eggs.
You're standing in front of the check-in desk in Dawson Creek, and the agent, attempting to deal with capital equipment cutbacks, keys in the airline code for Xining which *should be* XNN.
Unfortunately, the cutbacks now have everyone doing their job with I-Phones instead of full size keyboards, and it comes out as XNA which is where your bag's headed.
XNA is of course the code for Bentonville Arkansas which is only good news for WalMart as it adds to their upcoming inventory for their After Labor Day Luggage Sale.
Inasmuch as loading it on to wrong plane is concerned, it's rare.
There's barely enough room on the right plane for designated luggage to ever have room left over for someone else's bag.
Pay attention now and I'll tell why luggage really goes astray.
The next time you're fighting a bout of insomnia and at 2am the infomercial suggests for $49.95 you too can have airline indestructible luggage - forget it.
Nothing a couple of bored ramp agents love more than putting it to the test.
Usually from the 5th floor of the terminal on to the tarmac.
At $49.95 there's not really much left over at the end of the 32 ft per second drop that can't be cleaned up with a broom.
Multiple leftover destination tags may give you that feeling of superiority and bragging rights about all the places you've been however when a handler is faced with 34 different destination codes, just to break the monotony, the old eenie meenie miney mo ultimately decides where your bag reappears.
Listening to a friend say - "here, let me help you with your bag" isn't always a wise move either as one of our Antarctica group members discovered.
On arrival at the hotel, she turned to me and said, "thanks - where did you put my bag?"
Bag?
Oh sh*# - and back to the airport we went where it sat in the quarantine corner waiting for some idiot to retrieve it.
My lovely bride has it down to a fine science.
Never takes luggage.
Packs credit cards and a supply of Fed-Ex bills and loads up at destination then ships it all home.
Costs us the equivalent of a new vehicle every year - but hey - no lost luggage.
Which, if I really think about, is probably cheaper than driving down to Bentonville Arkansas every couple of months looking for a bargain.
Adios until next time
Dave Heron
Dave Heron is the owner and operator of: Pace Setter Travel & Tours (1995) Inc; P.O. Box 612, 70 McRae Street, Okotoks.
Tel: 403.938.5454
Toll Free: 1.800.206.7223.
Fax: 403.938.5568
Email: pacesetter@nucleus.com
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